The Curse

By Joe Bingham

There are times of glory in a fisherman's life. Times when he can do no wrong. Times when he becomes one with his lure and the water. Times when the fish become spellbound by his magic and fall completely at his mercy.I'm just glad I have a friend who can fish like that so I can see what it's like once in a while.

There are also times of horror in a fisherman's life. Times when he can do no right. Times when he becomes so frustrated he begins to contemplate accidentally dropping his fishing pole and tackle box over the side of the boat so he simply has to go home. Times when he casts his stinking lure onto the brushy bank feeling his odds of catching a stupid fish there are just as good as in the freakin' water!

It's interesting, however, when my fishing buddy is in the glory phase and I am in the horror phase. Which happens quite often, because, well, he's good, and well, when it comes to fishing, I just happen to be cursed.

Such was the case one summer day when my fishing buddy (F.B.) and I took our inflatable boats to Moose Creek Reservoir.

F.B. had this thing with catching the first fish of the day. His thing was, he always did it. So when F.B. and I were just starting to row our boats across the lake and I suddenly felt a tug on my fishing pole, I was truly excited. Perhaps this would be the day I finally broke my curse?

"Ha!" I cried. "I caught the first fish of the day!"

"So," F.B. answered calmly, although inside I knew he was considering popping my boat with a quick cast and tug of his lure.

"What is it?" he said instead, after remembering I had the pick-up keys.

"A bluegill," I replied.

"Yeah, a tiny one," F.B. mocked, feeling a bit better.

Still, I felt pretty good about having caught the first fish of the day. As I tried to release my captured bluegill, however, it became apparent that not only did the fish swallow my lure, but he was almost finished digesting it, and was preparing to send its remains on out the back door. Hmmm. It appeared my curse was still intact. Then, as I cautiously began the work of removing the absorbed lure from the bluegill's system, my curse, even more cautiously, began its work on me. It brought a scarcely noticeable wind up from the southwest to slowly push me farther out on the lake. Meanwhile, I noticed, F.B started catching fish.

Eventually, I miraculously removed the lure and released my captured bluegill. I then turned my boat toward F.B., who was catching a fish.

Suddenly, there was a gigantic pull on the end of my line. I immediately let go of my oars, snatched up my pole, and pulled back. My boat came to a stop, even as my pole bent fiercely toward the water, and F.B. caught another fish.

Excited, I started turning my reel, knowing I had just hooked something really big. As I continued reeling, I watched the spot where my line entered the water move closer. Suddenly, two realizations struck me. One, there was no fish on the end of my line, moving closer to me, I was moving closer to it. And two, F.B. was catching a fish.

Yet another realization struck as I looked at the water around me. While I was busy removing the remains of my assimilated lure from the bluegill's anatomy, that scarcely noticeable wind my curse had conjured had pushed my boat out over a serious patch of underwater plant life.

Secretly, my curse had struck again. I hadn't caught a fish, I had caught a weed. In fact, as it turned out, I had caught a big weed. When I finally hauled the whole thing out of the water, it measured 14 feet 9 and 1/4 inches. It was the biggest weed I had ever caught, and meanwhile, F.B. was catching fish.

After a few minutes, I maneuvered my boat out of the aquatic jungle, and headed once again toward F.B., who had apparently found an excellent spot. Suddenly, there was a jerk on the end of my line --- made by a fish this time. It turned out to be a nice rainbow trout.

Proudly, I hooked the fish onto the stringer I kept looped around my right oar above the oar lock. It seemed like things were changing. Sure, my curse had gotten me once, but apparently I had just broken through it. Little did I realize, however, that my curse was just toying with me. My curse, I've come to realize, is good at this. And meanwhile, F.B. was catching another fish.

I rowed up to F.B., finally, as he pulled in another trout. I reached down to get my stringer and show F.B. my nice rainbow, when I was once again struck by a realization. My stringer was not there! Slipped somehow off of my oar and gone away. My nice rainbow was lost.

"I've caught fifteen already," F.B. announced, suddenly.

"Fifteen?" I said, nearly choking on the word. I couldn't believe it! Here I was struggling with my curse once again, and without so much as noticing my desperate plight F.B. had already caught fifteen fish! It was unfair!

Then, a welling up started inside me. I wanted to tell F.B. of the frustrations I had felt and was feeling. I wanted to tell him about the big weed and the lost stringer that took my only fish along with it. I wanted to tell him of the beating I was taking at the hand of realizations. I wanted to relate everything that had befallen me. Then somehow, magically, I summed it all up in one quick phrase.

"Yeah, right," I said out loud.

"No, he has," another voice sounded. I turned toward the voice. It was a woman, fishing from a nearby dock. "I saw him," she continued, "He's caught fifteen fish already using that little green lure."

So, I thought to myself, he's using Greenie is he? Well, I have a Greenie, too, I concluded feeling better about my situation. If using Greenie was all there was to it, I'd soon be catching fish like crazy, too!

Within moments, I had Greenie tied to my line and out into the lake. I worked the lure through the water, waiting for a fish to strike. Meanwhile, F.B. was catching fish.

I cast Greenie out again, expecting a strike at any moment. Greenie spun beautifully through the water as I reeled him in. I cast to another spot. I trolled around the area. I cast again. Then, I cast again. Following that, I cast again. Meanwhile, F.B., who was no more than fifteen yards away, was catching fish.

Casting out again, I reeled a little slower. Casting out again, I reeled a little faster. Casting out again, I reeled a lot faster. Casting out yet again, my hand blurred into one continuous circle as it worked the reel faster still. Casting out once more, I ripped Greenie through the water at Mach speeds, generating a wake the size of that from a navy destroyer. I dared any of the stupid fish in the lake to try and catch him, even as the resulting sonic boom rocked through the trees of the surrounding forest, ruining the deer hunting in the area for the next one hundred years.

Meanwhile, F.B. cast his lure into the water in slow motion, as if he were in some sort of fishing highlight film. Then, almost effortlessly, he caught another fish.

Summing everything up magically once again, I turned toward F.B.

"Unnnhhh!" I moaned pitifully. F.B. laughed as he caught another fish.

Throwing my pole down into my lap, I took up my oars and charged my boat at F.B.'s. I concentrated, putting everything I had into rowing, fully intent on ramming him in my frustration.

Then, after a few moments, knowing I must be inches from crashing into F.B.'s boat, I looked over my shoulder. F.B. was calmly rowing his boat only he was further away than when I had first started my charge, and he was catching another fish.

As I confirmed there was still no fish on my line, I remembered that F.B. was scrawny and weighed nearly one hundred pounds less than I did. So, with yet another realization, this one being that I could not out row F.B., striking me in the back of the head, I went back to fishing. I mean, I went back to spinning Greenie through the water.

My curse did allow me to catch a few fish that day, just enough to keep me from giving up and going home. F.B.'s blessing, however, let him catch nearly 150 fish, or so he claims. But why should I argue? It was his day.

Besides, there is still no doubt between us about who caught the biggest weed.

written by Joe Bingham (aka Joe Humor)

"Wielding the light of sarcasm against the dark spectrum of human stupidity for the benefit of all....

Jokes, Humor, and other Sarcastic Ramblings. Read the Ramble http://JoeHumor.com

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